totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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