I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I touched a dick in church today
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
