THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
