My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
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