Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
