I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
