Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
