I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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