My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
