her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I want her autograph on my taint
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
