Midget sex pt 2 tonight
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
soo... how was my night?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
