please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He better not be in your backpack
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
