I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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