How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
