I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
