either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
