okay pat passed out under dana's car
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
