C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
