So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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