someone threw a dead crab at me
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
