This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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