Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
