after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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