I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
