you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
