So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
