at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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