i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
He did a backflip because drugs
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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