I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Randomize
