New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
