i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
