And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
