New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
