If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Houston, we have a blender
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
