I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
We need to rekindle our bromance
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
