its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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