no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
