Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
