i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
