last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Randomize
