how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
