He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
