youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
