if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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