I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.