New invention idea: vibrating tampons
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
