Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."