you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.