I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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