I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
