I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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