Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
