Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
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