He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
