I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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