So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Randomize
