And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
