Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
