I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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