And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
