the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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