you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
