Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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