I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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