Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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