Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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