I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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