I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
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