I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
